Old Feelings

The past, uhm, few days became the gradual destruction of my life. Absence in classes, drinking sessions, and didn't noticed that I went back to something, where my dark days had gone. And I even found myself oftenly staring aimlessly at nowhere. Somewhat, I tried to ask myself the question why.

Really, why??

Since the day I found that they're already THEM. I deliberately suppressed all the emotions that I should be feeling. Grief. Anger. Hope. Despair. But then a month after, and another, (oh shit! they're getting stronger!) I started to feel one by one, all those emotions that I tried so hard to keep away from myself. I lost every appetite of getting my life into fireworks and exciting drum rolls. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. This darkness and the uncertainty of what lies ahead scares me. I don't wanna seem so weak, but this, this pain that I'm feeling cripples me.. that everytime I wake up every morning, feels like yesterday. Feels like I had a million daggers in my heart, with extraordinary and much more pain. And then I cried so much that I wanna stay in my bed for the rest of my day. It feels like dying every second I remember all the chances that was given to me, all those happy moments we've had, and all those misunderstandings we've cried. It's so hard to forget someone that easily.

But I'd rather keep it all inside my solitude. 

It wasn't just an old feelings. I loved you, and will always be. :'(



Oh boy, why am I posting this..