Troubled?

MGL.... yum! :)

Old Feelings

The past, uhm, few days became the gradual destruction of my life. Absence in classes, drinking sessions, and didn't noticed that I went back to something, where my dark days had gone. And I even found myself oftenly staring aimlessly at nowhere. Somewhat, I tried to ask myself the question why.

Really, why??

Since the day I found that they're already THEM. I deliberately suppressed all the emotions that I should be feeling. Grief. Anger. Hope. Despair. But then a month after, and another, (oh shit! they're getting stronger!) I started to feel one by one, all those emotions that I tried so hard to keep away from myself. I lost every appetite of getting my life into fireworks and exciting drum rolls. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. This darkness and the uncertainty of what lies ahead scares me. I don't wanna seem so weak, but this, this pain that I'm feeling cripples me.. that everytime I wake up every morning, feels like yesterday. Feels like I had a million daggers in my heart, with extraordinary and much more pain. And then I cried so much that I wanna stay in my bed for the rest of my day. It feels like dying every second I remember all the chances that was given to me, all those happy moments we've had, and all those misunderstandings we've cried. It's so hard to forget someone that easily.

But I'd rather keep it all inside my solitude. 

It wasn't just an old feelings. I loved you, and will always be. :'(



Oh boy, why am I posting this..

Hot coffee for an early hang-over.. 

Ka-bobohan

Actually, i wanna give title to this blog as "Procrastination." But whatever, I thought of the current title first. Haha

So, here's the story...




As I was thoroughly scanning my notes in my room, preparing for my exams tomorrow, my dad suddenly appeared.


Dad: "What, tomorrow's your exam? let's drink, beers are good nourishment before exams.

Me: "......................." (?.?)

Dad: (gives me P500 and a key..) "I think that's enough for our session tonight. Now go."

Me: (back in a flash, bringing 3bottles of RH.) "Is it really okay to drink, dad? I'm sure now's not the time."

Dad: "Trust me. I've done that before."

And his never-ending stories goes on and on.. and on.




It's not that I'm really a drunkard , I just know how to nurse myself from a nasty hang-over. Mmp.. but I still feel crappy though.

And now I'm practicing procrastination, reviewing (at the same time, blogging) 30min before my semi-finals exam. Whatever the outcome is, IT'S MY DAD'S FAULT!! Hahahaha

Rise and shine, sleepyheads!! :D

WTF!!!

When I was attending the 5PM mass earlier, I unluckily chanced to sit a disfigured and nicely destroyed, good-for-nothing chair. How convenient... While the priest was having a head start, it happened to be that I'm thinking of my devilish thoughts about Christianity AGAIN when a lady came right into me hoping for any vacancies. How lucky she was.. with the chair? Right. 

As I was concentratedly listening about the homily, a sweat was starting to form from my forehead, i can now feel the gahddamn heat. Good thing my sister had brought her magic fan (the i-don't-know-how-this-gahddamn-thing-works! how to flip/fold and all that). Then suddenly, that lady beside me brought out hers. She did all that fanning and fanning when my body starts to sore, the in-not-normal-mode. Urghhh, what was that smell? I can practically feel my right lungs throbbing. It was like a perfume in her fan or maybe on herself that I didn't recognize earlier. That's why I don't like perfumes, it's more or less over-scented or  unpleasantly odored. Then the next thing I knew, I can feel my heart pounding, aching. Sh*t. Oh, was I supposedly have to say that? I think. No choice at all but to endure whatever dilemma it may bring to myself.

When the mass was ended, somehow i feel elated because I wouldn't be able to sniff that annoying and murderous smell anymore.

But I don't know why I still have this troubled feeling in my body until now!!! I even feel like vomiting, and not eating. I feel sick! I already take a tablet but still UNCURED!  T.T


FCK!!!  >.<

Alam mo yung feeling na andami-dami mong dapat gawin kaya lang wala kang ganang gumawa ni kahit isa? Gusto mo lang umupo at magpakatanga, humiga at matulog pro hndi ka nman tlaga nkakatulog, maglakad na walang laman ang isip? At halos mangiyak-ngiyak ka sa kakaisip kung ano pa ang ibang gagawin maliban sa lahat ng dpat mong gawin? T.T

Alam mo yun? :'(

Surprise Good-Bye

SEPTEMBER 7, 2011

Today is WEIRD. We were dismissed earlier than our usual dismissing time.. as i correctly remembered, at about 4:17pm.  Beforehand, i was asked to join a food tripping session.... ughhhh, FOOD. (Can't say No, haha!) Time runs. Finished eating. Talked. We're waiting for the fetch.. and kept waiting. Nababagot. I was aiming for 4thirty. An'tagal! Passed 5pm, and there!

So there was i, hurriedly going home, wishing to see a familiar face. Looking back everywhere... The next thing i knew, i was sitting inside the bus. Again waiting. Waiting for it to move. Seems like forever so I transferred to another.

On my way, I was thinking...... Phew. "Okay, next time."

Disappointed.

All I could do is sit back AND LISTEN TO MY BEST BUDDY, Music. All along.
Destination's near, my phone ran out of battery. Arggghh! >.<
I put it in my bag and do the "muni-muni."

U know the feeling when u really think and think.. and think of someone AND THEN SUDDENLY, "Bye, Denielle!"

Me: "Ohhhhh....." (surprisingly.. smiled, questionably looking)


It was all I could manage to say, because somehow, I don't know how or why, that's what all it takes to make my day. :)